Ebba and food?

A year ago I actually ate less than I do now because I guess I eat bad when I feel bad. I hated to cook for myself so I bought food to throw in the microwave and then I convinced myself that it is enough with food for today. The reason was because of anxiety and I actually didn’t care so much about myself. I remember I felt sick and hungry in the evening, my boyfriend told me in the phone that I should eat but I didn’t.

When this year begun I decided to care more about myself, to actually love myself. I rather gain weight than lose weight and I rather eat too much than eat too little.

I agree that me and food have a complicated relationship. Maybe it begins with the fact that my parents made meals that isn’t normal for children to like. It is good but I am spoiled. The second reason is that I didn’t like to cook, I was stressed very stressed before so I rather skipped a meal than took a break with the studying. The third reason is that I felt fat when I was seven, I used to look at my belly wishing I was skinnier.

When I was thirteen/ fourteen people commented my skinny legs and I felt so odd. Mostly because I was adopted but I guess I wanted something in common with the other girls.

I started to eat much so I could gain some weight but nothing happened, I was still skinny. That was why I started to go to the gym when I was eighteen. Muscles were the only thing that made me gain weight and everything went pretty good.

Until I left mom and dad and moved to my own apartment, that was the bad part of my life. I forgot myself.

To be honest I’ve lost my appetite many times. Before when I lost my appetite I stopped eating and starved myself but now I force myself to eat. The lost of my appetite is a sign of that I don’t feel quite good mentally during that part of time so it’s better to start eat and talk about what’s going on in my head.

Now I’ve decided to cook for me and my fiancé. I do me favor and I do him a favor. I have also decided to eat more small meals so I can eat more easier.

If you have problems with food I recommend you to talk with someone and search for help.

The newest photos first, I rather have a little bit fat so I actually can build something from it. The pants from the last photo are so tight so they don’t fit me anymore (sorry Daniela).

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All the terrorists should go to hell

A man went to a mosque in New Zealand with a gun and killed several people, then he went to the next mosque and killed more people and after that to the next.

Both old and young people died, the youngest one were 3 years old. The common for them all was that they were muslims and the killer were a racist terrorist.

Why are there still people who hate because that’s the only thing they understand, they don’t even try to understand, they are convinced that they are doing something right. I’m talking about all kinds of terrorists. They are completely brainwashed.

The interesting thing here is that was it a killer from IS, the Swedish newspapers would have written about it for days, now it was the top news for one day. ONE DAY, aren’t all human lives worth the same? Shouldn’t we treat everybody the same?

Rest In Peace to the people who were killed.

Training is my remedy

I was full of anger today because of reasons and I wanted to just feel good. That’s why I went to the gym just to give 100% and now I feel better than ever. This is also the best remedy so I don’t burry myself in anxiety.

It is not a big difference for the world but it is for me.

Then I accepted the challenge to do burpees everyday for a month!

Don’t let the events in the day control how the day will be.

This morning has been hectic, things didn’t turn out the way it should be and I was quite angry about it. I tried to think “at least it is sunny”. After that one more thing happened and one thing again and I was like “really?!”.

Right now I’m stubborn enough to continue with the things I really like.

Let yourself have a bad day but after you have felt sorry for yourself. Don’t get stuck in the bad things, continue with the good things.

A Sunday without anxiety

You know when you wake up with a hangover and you think “this day is going to be tough”. Then you finally find a bicycle you can buy. You find out that there are completely nothing wrong with the bicycle. After dinner you and your fiancé start packing everything from this apartment because it is less than a month until the big move to a bigger and better apartment. Yep this was my Sunday and I hope next week will be great. I hope you had a great weekend and will have a great upcoming week!!!

Feminist oh yes

I was watching “surviving R.Kelly” and I am so upset. I am upset because no one did anything about it because he was rich and famous. He made the victims think that they only had him, that nobody cared about them but him.

I haven’t been anything like this, but I have experienced men/boys who thought they could treat a woman like sh*t and request anything because the woman should always do like the man says. Men/boys have called me things on messenger just because I wasn’t interested about them.

They always use insecure teenage girls because they will get things easier from them.

R.Kelly, I’m disgusted. He brainwashed girls and he still doesn’t confess, he should be locked up from the beginning when he was arrested. The only reason why he isn’t in prison is because he is famous and rich. He has contacts that make him continue with what he’s doing. Why isn’t this psycopath in prison?

Also I agree that if these women/girls where white, people would do something about it much earlier.

Why is it so hard for some men to behave?