Engaged

This ring symbolize that I am done searching for someone to make my future complete because I’ve already found him. He is mine and I am his. In a near future we will live together, after that we will have kids and get married. From now on I’m going to wake up and feel so happy about that it is going to be me and him forever. I have been happy since I met him but now I have a reassurance that it is going to be us forever. This man can make me happy by just looking at me, this man can heal me by just hugging me. Some day we are going to get married as well and I hope I’ll still write here then. I love him, he is my other half, my best friend and the love of my life. Now he is my fiancé.

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A better me

I am smiling, in a few days I will meet him again, the love of my life. The school is going pretty good, I have things to do every day but I’m not stressed. Everything is just going with the flow. As you all know I began to go to the gym and my body feels better I have more energy left to everything. I don’t let myself lay down and rest until I have done everything. In a few days you will know what’s making me a little bit happier with a lot of more hope.

Yeah it is my birthday soon and I am trying to make a wish list but what should I want? I am happy as it is.

The one thing I really wish for is impossible to fix but I’ll keep dreaming of it.

 

Limitless hapiness

So this weekend something very amazing happened, I will tell you soon but not now. This made me feel like the happiest girl on earth so now I’m just too happy to be affected by some stupid anxiety. Everything is great and I hope you all will have a great Sunday.

Gym

Before gym

After gym

I don’t care about lost and gaining weight all I care about is how tired and how much “positive” energy I got. I love to working out and I wish I thought about this earlier since it gives me as much happiness as alcohol does.

Ebba the fighter

I know you are sitting there and wonder there Ebba is and how it went with her and her sadness. Well I’m here and I feel better. Why? because I decided to do something about everything, I started to working out on the gym. I’m physical stronger but also mentally stronger. Well I can’t take all the cred since my Hsp- coach made me think more positive. You know, all the bullshit is in my head and I can actually do something about it. I can control myself, that is one thing I can control. So if I keep going to bully myself I’m going to find that imaginary “angel” so it can knock all negativity, anxiety and sadness out of my head. I’m not taking any shit from myself anymore.

I have goals and that is to keep studying, to keep fighting against my anxiety and then finish so I can move in with my boyfriend. Remember that as long as you have goals you have something to fight for.

I have also been thinking of add Suares as my surname for real because I will have a part of my colombian family in my name. I’m still not sure how I do that but I will do that I think because my sister planted the idea in my head and she has always good ideas.

Dear my grandpa

I know that you can see me wherever you are. I dreamt about you and that made me feel like you still are here when I need you. During this time I need you to be near me because one little dream about you gives me strength and hope that everything will be great again, that I will be great again. You make me believe in myself and that’s what I need.

I’ll always miss you but I know that you’re will be in my heart and the memory of you will never fade.

That’s why I haven’t been able to write

I don’t want you all to feel sorry for me, I just want to make you aware of this. I haven’t felt so good during this past time.

Anxiety is the worst. You know when you see a cartoon and the animated figure has one angel on one shoulder and one devil on the other shoulder. Well I have a devil on mine, the angel is gone. I can be happy and then something don’t go as planned and all the negative thoughts start to go through my mind. Outsiders I am a positive person and I am that too in my mind when things distracts me from myself. Then I sit there lonely or with someone but the negative thoughts return. Before I used to think that it is better to just say that I’m just tired or stressed but I feel quite unhappy when I should be happy, when everything is perfect and there are space in my mind to be preoccupied. I get worried for the most ridiculous things.