Dear 14 year old Ebba

You’re beautiful and have the best personality ever. It’s ok to cry, it is ok to overreact, all the others are “underreacting”. I know you’re struggling everyday with finding your place in the society and at home and sometimes it feels like nobody understands what you’re going through. The fact is that you’re you, you’re unique. You will find friends just like you even though it won’t happen until university. You’re unique in your family because somewhere there exist people who are as introvert as you, as sensitive as you and kindhearted as you. They are going through their own struggle but they will meet you when the time is right. Do you know what? Your parents are struggling everyday just to see you happy, to make you follow your dreams. You are not unlikeable, a man will fall in love with you and you will fall in love with him. You will meet him when you’re tired of the invisible codes, when you’ve been though lying guys, when you’ve been through the most to realize that you deserve the best and only the best. Everything will be okay, it may sound like a fairytale but even though the acne will disappear.

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Me and my sis

Me and my sister, we are very different. She likes to talk, I hate attention, she rarely cries, I cry all the time. Her family live in the north side and mine at the south side. We argue very often because sometimes we can’t understand each other because we are too different. That’s why I love the fact that we at least have the adoption in common. I love her and I can tell her everything, in return she talks to me about adoption because I have been through it all. I’m so proud of my little sister for who she is. Even though we are totally different. She is the one I trust the most. Not sisters by blood but by heart.

I can see clearer now

If you haven’t seen my new Instagram profile and my diary posts please do that (aboutanadoptee). Tomorrow will my life continue as it did before I went to Colombia. The only thing that is different is me, I’m not thinking the same as I did before I went. I have learnt everything about everything. Especially how the politics in Colombia should improve a lot before I can say that it is a country to live in. I don’t know much about the politicians but it feels like they only think about making a better environment for their own families. The thing I feel sad about is all the dogs on the street and how nobody think of them for a change. I can’t write everything I’ve found out because some of them are personal, let me just say how angry I am with all men in that country who think they can do whatever they want even though they see the woman less worthy than themselves.

I love my biological family and I hope and pray that they will have a better future than the past. I love Colombia as well and I hope that they will make the lives better for all citizens instead of just the rich ones.

This past week I was with my boyfriend, I needed to rest and to experience an environment that is the opposite of Bogota. It is pretty hard to be away from my boyfriend for four weeks. So the next time I will go to Colombia I will bring him.

A very special day

It’s a special day, it is my boyfriends birthday and it feels like I’m more excited than he is. Why? Because I’m going to make this the best day ever and therefore I can’t sleep. I need to plan then do it until he comes home from work. If I know myself right I will fall asleep in 30 minutes. I’m not normally a morning person so I’m not used to being active on mornings on my free time.

If you see my boyfriend or have him as a friend on Facebook, wish him happy birthday. He needs to work on his very special day and I feel so sorry for him.

Colombia

I stood there, ready to go through the passport control, I’ve told them goodbye and I was ready… I thought. Ready to leave as I did when I left the country for the first time when I was a baby. Then I saw my family and how happy I am with them. The tears were now visible in my eyes and my biological mother hugged me. I started to cry because of I will miss them and I will for always see the distance as my enemy.

Well I am in a hot Sweden now. I have beautiful memories from the past two weeks and I’ve enjoyed every minute in the beautiful country. I will always return to Colombia. I will visit them until the day I die. I’ve also learned that my family grow very fast. My youngest cousin isn’t a baby anymore, I’ve got two sobrinos (niece and nephew) and my baby brother is now a five year old hyper active cute little boy.

Where do I start? Well I have learned very much about the country, myself and my family and I guess I will keep learning things when I am there.

The social part in life

Hello, how are you? I’m exhausted. Yesterday my social anxiety had a fight with Ed Sheeran. Wow how? Maybe you think. Well… as you know I don’t feel comfortable with big crowds and I am as you know a highly sensitive person with all that means. I really love Ed Sheeran and his songs so I wanted to go near the stage together with my best friend Sara. The more crowded it started to be the more uncomfortable I was. At the end I was about to faint and I just wanted to find an exit but I stood in the middle and couldn’t go out. I just want to say and promise myself that the next time I’ll go to a concert I will buy tickets for seats. I want to sleep right now because my brain is an emotional mess but I loved the concert. Thank you Ed Sheeran, Anne Marie and Jamie Lawson for an amazing concert!