Found my own home

Hi how are you? I’m great, better than yesterday maybe because it’s unnecessary to overthink. It’s easter, the sun is shining and I am surrounded by family. I have realized that this city where my parents live belongs to my childhood. I’m not longer feel the urge to go to this city every week because I only feel safe here. I’ve got that feeling that I have grown up. I have my own safe place. I have my own beginning of a family and I have a city there I belong more.

I like to come here on holidays though because I love to hang out with my family and I meet people I haven’t met for months or years and that make me think of the positive part of my childhood.

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Go away, leave, adios

Sometimes you just want to kill anxiety itself. It ruins so much. It ruins your health, it ruins your relationships to friends and family and it ruins your brain.

Anxiety doesn’t go away, I have to accept that but I can choose to ignore the anxiety like I ignore someone who is really mean.

The funny thing is that I can be very stubborn with that people can’t treat me bad and if they do I say some true words to them. I can’t do that to myself.

Please anxiety go away before it ruins my life completely.

A busy but great week

The last time I wrote I was about to move to a bigger apartment and I was searching for job. Well here I am in my new apartment with a new job. I have decided to study something in the autumn because I want some knowledge.

This weekend me and my family were in Falkenberg for a spa-weekend and I feel so relaxed right know. I have many plans for the upcoming week as job, easter- dinner and a car meet, I can’t complain on anything right now except that I don’t have so much time for gym this week but hey, I will do even better next week.

Right now I’m planning for the dinner since my fiancé is working late this week. Do you have any suggestions ?

Have a nice week !

Ångest och andra problem

I förrigår fick jag en bok på posten som helt enkelt handlar om tjejers letande efter lycka i sociala medier och boken är så bra för jag känner igen mig. Det känns som vi tjejer har en tendens att jämföra oss med andra samt leta efter bekräftelse på de mest destruktiva sätten.

Jag har fortfarande dåliga dagar men nu efter x antal år så vet jag vem jag är. Jag har fortfarande problem med var jag hör hemma då jag som adopterad är ganska splittrad.

Jag var som osäkrast i högstadiet, inte nog med finnar och tandställning så fick jag glasögon också (som jag struntade i att ha). Det finns så mycket jag hade velat säga till fjortonåriga Ebba. Bland annat:

  • Bry dig inte om vad killar tycker om dig, det enda du ska veta är att du vet vem du är och strunta i resten.
  • Alla tjejer är lika vilsna så varför försöka passa in hos en massa osäkra tjejer när du kan va en av få som känner dig säker på dig själv.

Sociala medier fanns inte lika mycket under tiden jag var osäkrast vilket jag är glad för. Jag förstår att människor blir påverkade av allt de ser på sociala medier men kom ihåg att de som ser ut att ha det jättebra har sina egna problem. Om du blir för negativt påverkad av sociala medier så radera appen, den är inte livsviktig. Låt de som vill nå dig, nå dig på det klassiska sms och telefonsamtal. Om du inte vill gå så långt, följ bara konton som inte är så ytliga, lyssna på poddar som välkomnar olikheter istället för ytligheter.

Kom ihåg, det mest betydelsefulla är ditt inre och inte hur ditt smink är eller hur stor rumpa du har.

New apartment, new life

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A new apartment equals more space, there are more of my things and we can have guests without feeling ashamed of the space. Now I only need to find a job that is on full time so I have more to do than cleaning the apartment because I hate being a housewife. I am my own person and I don’t need to only be there for the man, I need to be there for myself as well and primary I will take care of myself. So yes you can be independent even if you’re in a relationship.

My week

I haven’t been writing since 1. I’m fixing with my new apartment 2. I’ve been having a cold. 3. Okay no three that’s all because having a cold mess up my life, I know that it’s not the end of the world but I’ve been so disabled. One thing that have been distracting me is the last book in the series about Luisa Clark by Jojo Moyes. The only time I can sit still is when I read.

Tomorrow is my grandmothers 80s birthday. She’s so cool because she is my friend and my grandmother, she doesn’t seem old because her mind isn’t old, she says what she’s thinking about and she has so much empathy.

Me and my boyfriend in our new apartment.

A week has passed

A week passed until I had time and energy to write. That’s now you ask what I’ve been doing since I’m unemployed. I have a job now as a personal assistant or not on full time but more times to work than the other jobs I have.

We have also gotten the keys to our new apartment so now you all know what we are going to do this weekend.