Life as a HSP

I can’t describe how thankful I am for that my boyfriends family welcomed me to the family and let me stay there for almost a month. As always I’m getting anxious when I have to say goodbye to my boyfriend but I’m only going to be without for two weeks. 

I don’t know why but I’m getting anxious and sad everytime I have to say goodbye to people I love.

  • When I was nine years old and spent the summer with my cousin I cried and felt miserable for leaving her.
  • Colombia. Okay that’s logic since they live so far away but I felt so sad, days after I came to Sweden. 
  • Language- education- trip to England and Spain. I cried so much for leaving the people I met.
  • Confirmation camp- I met new people, and old people and I cried so much when I came home even though we all lived in the same city.

I guess that it is because I’m a highly sensitive person who gets too emotional about things. I must say that I hate that I cried like a baby the night before I was going home to my own family.

Running away

Things didn’t go as I planned and that was horrible, I felt horrible. I knew that if I stayed I would feel alone and miserable and I also knew that I wouldn’t feel better if I stayed with my family. So I took the train and went to my grannies, we had a great time and I were able to relax. Then I missed my boyfriend so I decided to stay for a few days. Well a few days turned into a week and a half until my mom called me and said that she missed me. So now I’m here with my family missing the love of my life but I will go back because I can’t go a week without being with him, love is powerful and it’s so cool how I just know that he is everything I’ve ever searched for. 

Life is crazy

Life isn’t always as I want it but at least I’m surrounded by beautiful people. It’s so weird how you can wake up feeling like the loneliest person on earth but when you go to sleep you don’t feel alone, yeah my life isn’t perfect right now but as long as I have people who support me it doesn’t matter if everything else don’t look that bright. I’m happy, very happy for my families, my friends and my boyfriend ❤️

Death

Yeah I know it may be a bit depressing to talk about death, but we’re all are going to die sometimes so that’s nothing strange with that. Just as you think how amazing it is when babies are born and how they grow when you work at kindergarten it is sad to see how old people get weaker and weaker until they can’t do anything but eat and sleep. 

I started to think what happens after the death, I can’t say that I’m not an atheist but I’m not that person who go to church every , I’m something in the middle. I believe that people who die come to another place like another dimension. For me it feels a bit weird that they just are going to stop existing, I believe that the dead people can see us but we can’t see them. They will always be there and they will watch how it goes for us. Maybe I just think so because that thought comforts me because in that case my grandfather isn’t totally gone.

I’m not afraid of the death anymore but I have so much to live for. I want to succeed many things before I die. I think the meaning of our lives is to be as happy as possible so when we’re old and we’re near death, we won’t regret anything because we couldn’t make it different. That’s why it’s so horrible when people die young, they didn’t get any chance to success their dreams and well I’m still missing my grandfather and I’m sad that he can’t be here to experience his children’s happiness or grandchildrens happiness. Anyhow I’m sure that my grandfather experienced his happiness, because his happiness was to marry the love of his life and get children and grandchildren. 

I’m in that bubble

My mom looks at me and smiles, I ask “why do you look at me like that” she laughs and says that she’s so happy that I’m happy. 

A vaccation with the family is supposed to make you feel relaxed and just make you enjoy environment and that the time goes so slow. Well not this vaccation. I stayed up every night with the sound of my grandmother snoring because I couldn’t sleep before saying goodnight to him. 

Saturday morning and we all were a bit tired and upset that we were going to leave a such a beautiful place. I was tired but also excited because the same day I were going to meet him.

Train station in Varberg. I went off the train and I walked the short walk to the railway. Then I saw him and I started to smile like I never smiled before. 

I’m so happy right now, so happy that I’m crying because he is the man I’ve always dreamt of and he is mine. If there is a god in heaven I thank Him for bringing Filip into my life.