Too much thoughts

I’ve heard of people who were sad about the adoption even though they’ve found their families, I thought be happy and enjoy to talk with the biological family, they are your real family. Well I’ve changed opinion …

Monday… I came home from school… I was shaking but I thought that It was because I haven’t ate anything on a long time. But when I came home from the drivers school (?) I still was shaking and my heart was beating really fast. I was scared because I couldn’t breath normal. Then my father asked me if I was worried about something… Then I started to cry… I cried and felt completely miserable. The reason was that I kept everything for myself, every little negative thing that happened in Colombia and that I was stressed. So I learnt that I need think about myself more and deal with the problems in Colombia when I have time.

Something horrible happened

Yesterday my mom (bio mom) told me that her cousin Jhon Alvaro was killed. He was a police and it was the FARC who killed him. There were three polices and it was only he who died. My family in Colombia feel miserable right now. I’m angry and sad, but I don’t know so much about the Colombian politics but I know that the FARC-guerrilla has been active since the 90s and that they were about to solve this…
God plz let this terrorist group stop…

Boyfriends and parents no one will make me as happy and sad as Jhon

It’s something with Jhon that makes me be that little sister even though I have grown up. It feels like he feel about that we haven’t got any contact at all in sixteen years. When I send him a voice message there I tell him that I miss him, he will respond with a message full of emotions. It’s like… This wasn’t meant to be… Two siblings, very similar each other, but the we living in two different worlds.

Fight for what you want

I know… it is hard to update my blog when I always have something to do, and when I don’t have something to do I’m too tired. But yes I am here in front of a computer, I should study but it’s saturday and I’m in that angry mood even if I don’t know why lol.

I’m finally in love, god heard my prayers or something, but next step… or next horrible feeling is that I’m afraid to loose him. I saw a tv-show yesterday and a man said “the exciting with not being married is that she can leave you anytime”. But I don’t understand this man at all lol.

It feels like me and my bio-mom are like sisters. That maybe has something with that it isn’t her responsibility to raise me. Or she hadn’t the opportunity…  However we can talk about everything…well almost everything. I’m so proud of her, she’s raising four sons by herself or…my brother Jhon, well he was much with our grandparents when he was younger.

Life is harder than before

Sorry I didn’t post anything until now. Well I study so much and I’m stressed and then there are more things in my life 😉
If you have children younger than 18 who can’t wait until they are older, tell them that life is harder when you’re older, I have 10000 more things to think about now than I thought about when I was 16. I miss my friend who fell in love and went to canada, and I don’t have time to meet my old friends. And because of that I feel so boring and rude. There are so many I want to meet right now.