Yo sé que todo nunca va a ser normal entre nosotros porque vivimos vidas diferentes. Pero también yo sé que te amo y siempre te he amado mi hermano. A veces no quiero hablar contigo por celular porque yo sé que estás mucho lejos de mi, quiero conocerte frente a frente. Pero cuando escucho tu voz me hace feliz, si pudieras verme, pudieras ver que estoy sonriendo mucho cuando hablo contigo.
Te extraño mucho
Something I have learned through the years is that you will only feel worse if you don’t admit to yourself that everything isn’t good. You need to be true to yourself “am I happy? If not then I need to talk to someone”. Sometimes it feels good to just cry alone and then go out and be happy, but you know as much as I do that the pain you feel will haunt you when you are alone.
If you are mad at the adoptive thing, don’t think that you’re stupid and you should be happy, talk with someone! And don’t cover your feelings about it with lies, because at the and you will know the truth.
Be honest to yourself.
I want to write this because there are people who think that all adoptees have the same opinions, both non-adoptees and adoptees.
Some people must accept that people are different, people have different opinions, different experiences and different point of views. Earlier I have been written about a guy who questioned me in a rude way about the fact that I wanted to find my family. And a few days ago I saw a post in the Facebook group about a girl who was tired of people who added her as a friend and then they were rude about why she didn’t want to travel back to her country or find her family.
Okay there might be some people that might have weird point of views but you shouldn’t try to change their opinions because only they know how they feel. Adoption is emotional as it is!!! Accept the persons opinion and move on.
And yes for non- adoptees, don’t ask people “why don’t you want to find your family” or other questions because the subject is very emotional so don’t even think about interviewing the person about who you love the most or other stupid questions.
I was very tired yesterday and it feels like I’ve never slept so good. Today is my unhealthy day, I skip the gym, eating chocolate just so I can relax without the fact that you have to be healthy all the time. I think that nowadays you see pictures of healthy people, the bodies are perfect so you want exactly the same body. You forget to think about how you feel you just want that body.
I read a post on Facebook by a girl, she is two years younger than me (also from Colombia) and she is literally the strongest girl (heavy lifting) she wrote that when she begun with heavy lifting she wanted to look good like the fitness models. But her coach told her that if she wanted that body she had to stop with chocolate and everything or she could be the strongest and she would get that body but it took longer time.
So I learnt something now and when I started to go to the gym. When I started to go to the gym I wanted to look less skinny and have more muscles since one day when I was fourteen, I argued with a friend and said that I will be stronger than him. Now I know it’s impossible because puberty hit him and he is so fit and tall. But I want to feel good and actually be strong so I don’t have to be that little and short girl who can’t do anything by herself. But I don’t want to be all over this fitness thing that many other people are.
One thing of all the bad parts about being adopted is that you may not look like your siblings or parents. People say that I look like my brother and my sister just because they know we are from the same country. When the whole family were in Italy, people thought that my sister and my brother were a couple.
And when me and my siblings were at the mall and ate lunch. Some people were staring at us because they didn’t knew how we were related.
To be honest, I’m one of the siblings who can look like I may be my adoptive parents biological daughter. But only if I am with my dad because my dad has blond hair and she’s pale. So when I’m with her at the mall or something people may think we are friends.
And when I were with my cousins and uncle they think I’m just a friend to the family and that is what bothers me the most. Logically and biologically my cousins have more in common with each other than I have with them.