When you grow up I won’t be there all the time, but I will be there in another kind of way. I will ask about you, I will be with you for a few weeks. I want you to think of me as your sister because that’s what I am. I wish I could protect you from the evil human beings and from the dangerous things you want to do, but I can’t. But I will trust my brothers and my mom that they will protect you for me. I love you and I will always do that.
Your sister Ebba Katherine.
Querido hermano, no voy a estar contigo todo el tiempo pero voy a estar contigo en en una otra manera. Voy a preguntar mis hermanos y mi mamá de ti, voy a estar contigo durante algunos semanas. Deseo que pudiera protegerte de todas cosas peligrosas, pero no puedo. Pero puedo confiar a mi mamá y hermanos que van a hacerlo. Te amo para siempre y siempre voy a amarte.
Tú hermana Ebba Katherine.
I’ve never thought about this until now. When I went to kindergarten no teacher actually knew how to deal with adoptees. My mom gave them books about adoption, but nothing more. I know that the kindergarten and the schools are different now because there are more from other countries. But still, I just guess right now but I don’t think there are many preschool teachers who are aware about how important it is for adoptees to feel like everybody else even in the kindergarten. Children ask question without thinking about if it’s hurting etc.. So it can make a little child who is adopted to feel lonely when they are very young. I think somebody should make something about it, or I will do that.
Gosh… I think I never have been so focused like I was today. I wrote a big amount of words during three hours. I still have a lot of the assignment left but I’m not that stressed as I was before. I think I can do this but I will not hope too much.
Have i told you about that my aunt is going to have a baby, and I’m going to have one more cousin. As many of my cousins it will be a baby boy. But I think that’s good as if I should have a girl cousin. You know since the Y- chromosome is dominant, there is always a bigger chance to have a baby boy than a girl. That’s why I only have one sister I guess… lol. But my cousin will be born in December near the christmas time, and I can’t wait!
When something bad happens, I just want to disappear, I don’t want to be there and feel how much it hurts when it’s time. But I think you need to just be ready for the worst and take it as it is. Today I found out something that made me worried, sad and frustrated but I can’t do anything about it. I just can’t change it because it will happen anyway sooner or later. That’s why I’m now preparing myself so I can handle it when it happens. Instead of starting to deny it and then be in shock when it happens.
But something I must be better to handle is love or the fear of being heartbroken. To learn from your misstakes, you need to have experienced it, you need to feel every kinds of emotions, even though it will hurt. The reason that I fear for it is because of my biological mother. She have been through a lot of heartbreaks which have lead to an adoption and then damage psychically, even though I know that it’s healthy to experience bad things in life I’m still afraid and that will be something I need to struggle to conquer.
I can compare it with a movie, you can’t just see a “feel good”- movie, just because you know that you’ll not be surprised. If you want to see something and be surprised you need to see a horror movie, action movie or a drama movie.
A life without feelings isn’t a life.
Pues he estado en la casa de mis padres y casi no dormí la noche a sábado, por eso estoy muy cansada ahora.
Estoy esperando a mover a mi apartamento y estoy muy contenta!
He estado en un jardín y me encantan los niños, todos niños! No hay nadie que no me gusta!
Todavía tengo mucho en la escuela y esperando al momento cuando puedo descansar un poquito.
Con el amor? Ahora no me importa, hay más cosas importantes que un novio.
Yeah.. I am now living in Varberg and in a week, I will move my things to the new apartment and then I will have to make everything comfortable and cozy. I am so happy because I will live so near the train station, the school and the nightclubs. It will not feel like I am living alone and that I will be feeling alone because there will be a lot of people around me.