When something bad happens, I just want to disappear, I don’t want to be there and feel how much it hurts when it’s time. But I think you need to just be ready for the worst and take it as it is. Today I found out something that made me worried, sad and frustrated but I can’t do anything about it. I just can’t change it because it will happen anyway sooner or later. That’s why I’m now preparing myself so I can handle it when it happens. Instead of starting to deny it and then be in shock when it happens.
But something I must be better to handle is love or the fear of being heartbroken. To learn from your misstakes, you need to have experienced it, you need to feel every kinds of emotions, even though it will hurt. The reason that I fear for it is because of my biological mother. She have been through a lot of heartbreaks which have lead to an adoption and then damage psychically, even though I know that it’s healthy to experience bad things in life I’m still afraid and that will be something I need to struggle to conquer.
I can compare it with a movie, you can’t just see a “feel good”- movie, just because you know that you’ll not be surprised. If you want to see something and be surprised you need to see a horror movie, action movie or a drama movie.
A life without feelings isn’t a life.