It was many months ago since I went to the gym, these months were horrible. I was angry and frustrated and I didn’t know what to do about it. Now I question myself why I didn’t went to the gym earlier. I came home tired but happy, all the frustration is gone and I think I’m going to think more about myself. I need to feel good and I feel good at the gym.
My counselor gave me a journal, I thought I shouldn’t need it, I am twenty years old not ten, I don’t need a journal. But then I started to write I wrote and found out the reason for everything which made me relieved. I still need to find out how to stop these negative thoughts but I think it is going to be great. To solve my psychological problems is like solving mathematic problems. You need to think in a certain way and very much to solve the problems.
My relationship with my adoptivesiblings is important. They are very important to me, if someone say something bad about them I can’t respect that person the way I did before. The only people I can trust to 100% are my siblings and parents.
So when a friend say something bad about one of the siblings I slowly loose the respect. And I keep regretting why I took contact with that person.
You know, the bad thing about always thinking that everybody are good and polite is that you’ll get disappointed, you’ll stop trusting people but I still think the best of people. I can’t hate a person just because that person is treating me like shit, that person has their problems that’s why the person is saying bad things to you or telling other people how awful you are.
So when that person is saying bad things about my siblings, it is only their loss. So yeah it takes time for me to trust people, and when I trust you and if you saying anything bad about my siblings I will stop trusting you.
One thing I hate about being adopted is that I lost the culture, I didn’t have a quinzeñera and I didn’t know about what they ate in Colombia. So I didn’t feel colombian nor Swedish. So when I came to Colombia for the first time it was so confusing to see how different things were there, and if I grew up with the culture I should feel more home in Colombia.
Right now I need time to get used to everything in Colombia, and to learn the language perfect. No… even though I can speak and understand Spanish, I still have a long way to go.