phobia- When you’re not yourself

I went to the gym. I was so happy because I  was all alone and could do what I wanted. Suddenly my thumb was squeezed in a machine and it hurt of course but I decided to continue. Then I looked at the thumb and it was a bit red but I didn’t worry so much. I looked again and I was red on my hand…blood. I slowly got panic. I went very fast to the dressing room to get some paper and just sat there on the bench…shaking. I was very close to just cry. I decided to see if there still were blood on the thumb, and it was. I was shaking I threw the paper in the trash. I walked very fast to my apartment because I didn’t want to cry in front of the people at the gym. When I came home it was bleeding more and I was breathing faster…you know when you’re getting a panic attack. So I sat in the sofa, shaking and crying. I got applied plaster. When I couldn’t see the blood anymore I calmed down, and I wasn’t scared anymore.

The problem here is that I have a phobia for blood. It felt like I almost fainted, it’s okay to watch Greys Anatomy because I know they don’t bleed for real. But when I see blood in real life I panic and when it’s my blood I almost fainting. The menstruation is no problem because I know it is nothing dangerous with that and it is natural. But when I hurt myself and see how it bleeds I freak out, the last time I took a blood test I walked home while my legs were shaking and I sat in the sofa and I almost fainted.



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My name is Ebba Katherine, I was born in Colombia 1995, I'm writing about my life as adopted with two families.

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