So my parents went to my apartment to fix some stuff. So now I have a wall full of people I love, and it will be many more photos on this wall since I have a big family and friends who I love.
So today I’m happy because these lovely people will be near me in some kind of why. And I’m enjoying the Sunday with some Colombian music (las hermanas calle, me and Lina listened to that).
Everytime I come home from Colombia I’m sad. So this time I was afraid of crying when I was leaving but I didn’t cry. My adoptive mom has also asked me if everything is alright me since I was so sad last year but I was happy and told her that no I have another view on this. I know I can go back, and I know I can talk with them.
But here it comes all the tears. I cry because now I’m so far away from them and it hurts. But this time it is happy tears as well. I am happy that I spent so much time at the airport with Jhon so I missed the airplane because I really needed to talk with him.
When I was younger I used to spend hours in my room reading a book. I didn’t even talk with my parents because I was reading a book and I could spend hours at the library, reading on the books, looking at the books.
I love to just read a book and then disappear in a world that is not mine. I was that lonely, shy girl who rather read books than talking with people, I was that girl or I am that girl who sit in the shadow when we are traveling to sunnier places. Just to read what happened to that girl who was about to lose the big love of her life.
Maybe that’s why I’m so dreamy. And that’s why I’m so romantic… In my mind.
The beauty of reading a book is that words can make you disappear from the grey world you are living. And for a while you’re that girl who suddenly meet that naturally charming guy.
It was Thursday and I was leaving my birthcountry, I said goodbye to everyone. I cried, my little cousin cried. Then I was at the airport with my big brother Jhon. We started to talk about everything, I think we never talked so much before, I told him things I’ve only told my nearest friends or my sister. It felt good, then I said goodbye, he told me not to cry so I didn’t. I smiled through the security check and to the gate. I thought it was odd that there were so few people and the flight attendants looked at me and my boarding card. Then I walked to them because I wanted to ask when the boarding is beginning and the stewardess said “oh you missed your flight” and I went panicking, I said oh my god over and over again, I cried and I was begging to go on the plane. She said “see the plane is going”. And I was so mad at myself !
I was lucky because Jhon wasn’t far away from the airport so he got a taxi for us so we returned to the house. I had the worst panic attack ever. I was shaking and I was crying because it went so wrong. My little cousin was happy to see me again and now afterwards it’s a nice story to tell.
The next day I said goodbye to everyone since it felt so weird to say goodbye again and this time my bio mom followed me to the airport.
The reason why I have hope, the reason I believe in some higher power is because who would have thought for ten years ago that I would have a family in the other side of the world, who would have thought that they all are alright and alive? Who would I have thought that I would be so proud of my adoptive brother because of his intelligence, who would have thought that I would have so many good friends who like me for who I am. Who would have thought that my adoptive brother and sister also found their families?
I may agree that there are some negative parts in my life but you need to take it as it is and make the best of it!
I’m so thankful for what I have now, I remember how it was for six years ago, I felt alone and no one understood me.
It’s better now, I promise you that!
Dear old friend!
We met each other and became very good friends, I told you everything about my life, I let you in my life even though people have hurt me.
Then you met him and I was happy for you because who doesn’t want her best friend to meet the love of her life. But then you left, you went to him and his family, very far away. And left me here. I wrote to you first because I wanted you to be aware of what was happening in my life but then I realized it was no point with it.
Now I’m mad and hurt because you left without thinking about your friends or family. How blind can you be?