Feelings

I’m not that person who can cry in front of anyone, just in front of people I feel safe around like my best friend and my families.

I’ve been through a lot during this time and I can’t talk about it with anyone and that’s bad I think.

So a few days ago I sat in front of the computer with a friend, and he started to play some sad songs and I just couldn’t keep the facade up and started to cry, I cried so much and I told him for the first time about what happened, it was the first time I told anyone about it without writing it first. And it felt so good but sad at the same time because now it feels more real than ever.

The message behind this photo

I don’t now if a photographer should reveal the message behind a photo but I do it anyway.

So the message is that: Love can happen at first sight maybe the couple in the picture fell in love at first sight. But love can also hurt, as a cactus.

My role models

My inspiration is people who want to go their own way and don’t care about what people think or people who think outside of the box.

My adoptive mom- Since she was 28 she has been working as an acountant, she have been working hard and is good on what she’s doing, her colleagues respect her.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic- He grew up as a boy in a family with people who used drugs and in a neighborhood where it was more usual to steal, do drugs, sell drugs or have gang fights. He wanted to be a soccer player, not a descent player, he wanted to be the best player! And he didn’t give up, even if he was a pretty great player in Sweden, he wanted to be bigger!

Blondinbella- She’s a young businesswoman who dropped out of school to focus on her company. Now she’s 25 years old, her company is very successful and she has two children. She didn’t care what people told her to do and she did it her own way!

Searching for me

Well… many things is in my head right now, I actually start to panic for the future and I’m grieving. I don’t know how to continue in the right kind of way but I’m trying to get some calm around me. I’m lost right now… it feels like I need to find me and who I am and what to do. I know this post will be kind of confusing but I can’t explain in a better way. 

Don’t wanna be “flaca”?!

Since I was five years old I’ve been skinny. It didn’t mean so much when I was younger, my parents cooked the food and I ate it. I think it was when I was fourteen or fifteen when my friends got the “curves” I started to care. I thought “damn my legs look like chicken legs”. A few years later I got comments from friends and family members that I was skinny, and I needed to eat more. My sister is skinny like me and I admit that i don’t eat much but I DO EAT. A few years ago the stores and the magazines started campaigns about that curves are beautiful. Which lead to that people on social media said that who want’s skinny people when they can get beautiful curvy people and it started to make me think that I need to like like them and I need to gain weight. i went to the gym every day but I didn’t gain so much weight and I ate unhealthy things so I could gain something but still nothing.

I admit that I forget to eat sometimes but after I forget to eat I’m freezing and get dizzy so that’s not so often so please don’t tell me to eat. I eat and I feel bad about myself when I’m not eating that much!

The fear of my dreams

I didn’t felt good at all yesterday, for some reasons that are unknown since I worry about everything when I’m feeling cold, tired and don’t wanna eat. I thought I got fever but I didn’t. But I went to bed and fell asleep… I slept until lunchtime since I thought I was ill. I had a few dreams that were weird but not horrifying. Then before I woke up I heard a voice as clear as it was a man in my apartment and I was alone so that made me scared. The voice disappeared when I was 100 % awake, and I started to wonder where the voice came from. I’m sure it came from my dream but I literally hate to dream things like this. At least I’m not ill, just got a headache.