Yeah I’m looking forward for the new year, and excited. But also I’m anxious, this year I’ve been surprised by things that made me happy but also things that made me sad, and I’ve been wondering if there ever will be something positive in my life. So yeah I wish I could predict what is going to happen so I can prepare myself. Right now I don’t hope for miracles to happen, I just hope that everybody I love will stay alive and stay healthy… is it too much to ask?
I don’t know why but I get emotional when I see babies cry at hospitals or women in labor. I guess that’s an adoption thing.
When I see babies I think that I want to have a baby by myself. And when I walk past the store that sells wedding dresses I dream about having a family on my own. I want a big family and I want the children to look like me and be like me. Maybe I will have an apartment or a house but the most important is many children who will be there for each other like me and my siblings. I want to create a family on my own, I want to raise the children by myself and I want to know how to handle different kinds of family situations. I want the children to talk with me about everything even though they think I don’t understand because I will understand.
It was Lucia yesterday (My friend was Lucia, the tallest girl in the choir). And we were going to sing at a home for immigrants (people who recently came to Sweden). I believe that many of these people came from countries where it is war. So I stood there in front of these people and sang. While I sang I looked at babies, children, women and men. They all saw very excited and happy. But I couldn’t stop thinking that all these people had been through so much horrible things. Children shouldn’t experience those kind of things like fear, loss and hunger. Our choir leader always says that we need to smile while we sing but I couldn’t. I looked at the man who looked a bit tired that maybe he lost his family. And I looked at the woman with her baby and thought that she was on her way to Sweden while she was pregnant. I’m glad that they all came to Sweden, and I hope they all will get asylum. Then I think of the people who are left in Syria or Afghanistan and have to live a normal life while people they know are dying and the bombs are falling from the sky. God should know that I feel for them, I wish I could help them.
Well here in Sweden there are a campaign to give the children in war countries an education and maybe a chance to a future. It is called “Musikhjälpen”, where you can start your own collection box and chose a name and make people offer money to your collection box. I offered money to the box “Förskollärare i Sverige”, many people have offered money to this campaign and I hope more money will be offering money.
If you know another campaign in your country to offer money to poor countries, please do that. It is needed!
If you don’t feel good psychologically don’t keep your feelings for yourself. If you don’t have anyone to talk to take contact to a counsellor. 6 months passed and I had no one to talk to or I didn’t want to talk with anyone since I’m a reserved person. I only talk about my feelings with my family and nearest friends.
The result of not talking with anyone is that you’ll feel worse.
The first time I went to my counselor I was a bit skeptic since it was a man. But now, months after, I’m so happy that I booked that meeting and that made me feel better, sometimes I still don’t feel good but it could have been worse. I’m here, I’m not giving up and feel better for every day.
I want you, I will get you because I know you want me too.