The fear is there

I don’t know why if it is because I’m adopted or because people treated me bad in the past, but I’m scared of being left by someone I care about. I have written about that earlier but I’ve noticed it more now. Not only with someone I have feelings for, this time I realised that’s why I behave as I do. For example I experience it as difficult when a friend hangout more and more and I still don’t know if this person is going to leave me or not. I don’t experience it with anyone because some friends I’m very sure about that they are going to be with me even though I’ve commit a crime or something. I don’t know if this kind of behaviour is normal but that’s what I feel so if I feel like “woaw I’ve been this friend for a very long time, I’m starting to relax around him / her” I start to talk less with that person and I’m just waiting on a sign that confirms that I can trust him/her.

Lina Maria

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Yesterday was the birthday of a special person. It was my cousins birthday. Lina Maria. So I decided to call her and wish her a happy birthday and it was like I was there with here. She showed me her dolls and she talked very much with me, I didn’t understand so much but I was very happy about hearing her voice so it didn’t matter. Then I got the chance to talk with some of my other cousins. I miss them so much but I’m happy that we have the smart phones and internet so we can talk and see each other.

Family first

I decided to go home to my family because this was the only free weekend I have, then I will see them again during the easter but I can’t wait. I’m a family girl and I would like to travel with my family more than with my friends.

This Friday I met one of my best friends and we had a good time at the mall and I bought some new clothes since it’s sunnier and I needed some new clothes (said every girl in the world). I met my grandmother, my uncle and whole family so now I’ve got energy to face the new week.

Humor

I see everything with humor. When I’m nervous I’m starting to joking around, when I’m relaxed I’m joking. I grew up in a home with a sister who start to make me laugh when I’m upset or angry. 

In my family we always joke around with each other with love. And I think it’s the humor who made me to the person that I am today, if it wasn’t for that I would be seriously depressed. I need to laugh even though something bad has happened, I need to forget the seriousness and the problems that sometimes make me so sad. So when I joke around with my friends it is  such a relief because I can escape from myself and the thoughts that for real make me feel so depressed. 

So people out there who takes everything so serious, sometimes the funniest people feel bad, sometimes the happiest people feel bad but we need to laugh to survive so I think you should do that too.

My opinion about “lion”

I have finally seen it, the movie lion ! It’s about a boy in India, he didn’t want to stay at home by himself so he followed his brother to the train station, but he fell asleep on a train and went very far from where he lived. After a few adventures, a man found him and took him to an orphanage. He was then adopted to a family in Australia.

This movie wasn’t as I thought… in a positive way. It doesn’t only show you the “happy ending” when the kid get a new family, it shows the real feelings when an adoptee has a bagage of feelings and memories. It doesn’t show you that the adoptive mom wanted children without knowing about the bagage, she knew it all the time. Even though it can be a difficult to handle a child who has experienced bad things, she knew it.

I think the adoptive mom was very understanding. I recognise myself very much in his (the main caracter) way of thinking and  his feelings. I waited many hours to tell my mom about that I’ve found my birth mom just because I didn’t want her to feel like I didn’t want her anymore.

Spoiler alert

Now to the negative criticism. Okay there isn’t much bad about this movie. I just think that it’s so bad that they didn’t try more to find his mom than they did in the movie. They only searched for the mom in Calcutta and she didn’t live there. If they searched more maybe they would find her, I know India is a big country with many people so maybe it’s difficult.

 

 

To say goodbye

It may be a family member, boyfriend/girlfriend or a friend who is going with you to the airport. You know that when you say goodbye to each other you’re going to be apart from each other for at least a year. You’re trying to keep the smile because you don’t want the other person to cry. 

When you went past the security check you start to cry and when you’re home, you realize how far away he/she is, you send messages to him/ her but that’s not the same thing. 

You miss her/his voice and just to know that he/she is nearby.

To make yourself feel a bit better, you avoid to think about that person, then he/she calls you and the voice brings up all the memories but you’re so happy to hear him/her. When you lay down the phone, the tears are falling and you get angry of the distance , you get angry of why the life is like this and it will never change.