This Monday I found out something not so funny, I’m not going to pass this semester because I literally failed the internship. The reason was that I was very unsure in my role as a leader and I can’t deny it. Everything is because I’m so unsure about myself, everyone say “Dare to do wrong, everyone do misstakes, believe in yourself ” but I can’t believe in myself to 100%. I have written that a few times I called mom and cried while I said “I can’t do this anymore” . And well… now I believe more in myself than I did before, but not enough.
That’s why I’m shy and that’s why I drunk too much before. My sister said to me “why don’t you talk much when you are with some people, I have heard you and you actually have much too say”, and well that convinced me a bit.
So back to the Monday. I was a bit unhappy but not surprised. I’ve told my friends and my family so they know. They seemed more sad than me and I thought “Why can’t I cry, why isn’t this sad for me?”. The truth is that I can study to a kindergarten teacher ten years it doesn’t matter because i want to be it and I will be it. The only thing that made me cry today is that I still feel insecure and I still hate myself for being shy.