I hate the fact that I can’t go on with my education because om not secure on my leader role. The teacher tells me that I need to believe more in myself and be more secure about myself. But I get so insecure about myself and doubt if I even going to fit in like a kindergarten teacher. What if I need to think about another profession, what if I need to start over and study to something else, what if I need to move from my friends and my love?

So yeah except that I’m totally in love, I’m also very worried about my future. I guess everything will be ok but I don’t know…


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My name is Ebba Katherine, I was born in Colombia 1995, I'm writing about my life as adopted with two families.

One thought on “Insecurity”

  1. I really related to your article, very good. Insecurity, anxiety and a lack of trust are the things I deal with as an adoptee whose adoptive parents were divorced (etc.). Not all of this is due to being adopted at 10 weeks, but I think trust issues are the most difficult for us adoptees because if you study child development, the fist task of an infant is to develop a trusting bond with it’s mother, that he/she can count on that parent to give it love holding, milk, diaper changes, all in response to their cry, because that is their only way to communicate this need. I have HUGE abandonment issues which really didn’t rear their head until my adoptive parents divorced. I also had a 10-year love affair with my thumb, and I rocked back and forth in bed to get to sleep for about the same period of time. I saw a 20/20 show about Romanian orphanages that were overcrowded in the 80’s, and ALL of these little babies were doing this as a self-comfort measure, then I knew what was wrong! In my first 10 weeks, I was not bonded with anyone. People often “poo-poo” this idea of anyone remembering these early years, but even though you may not RECALL them it does not mean that it didn’t happen to your brain development and body! Your brain is developing VERY fast in its first years, weeks, days. Even the caged chimps and gorillas will do this same rocking thing. Thanks again I loved your article!

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