The end of the week is here and I’m free from the cold again. That’s why I didn’t write since the last post (who wants to read how miserable I am lol).
My boyfriend came to me and I had a great weekend, even though I’m sad that he left I’m happy that I’m only going to go through five weeks left when I only see him on the weekends and I’m quite proud of how made it, and how we can handle anything.
Tomorrow will I go back to school, and not look like a zombie. Remember that no matter how tough something may be, you will made it out alive and you will get stronger!
Yes I planned so I could be sick when I didn’t have so much to do and now I want the cold to disappear, with that I mean the cold I have and how ice cold whole Sweden is.
When you don’t feel 100% great it’s good to dream about some other place. Right now I dream about Colombia, Bogota and my second home where my biological mom is living. I love that feeling when I wake up and she comes in with breakfast and says “Buenos días”. I love that! I love how they play music in the barrio. The great thing is that it is soon going to become reality and I can’t wait.
I feel relieved, I fixed everything that made me stressed so now it feels better + I finished my exam and I can take a break. The negative part is that my neck is swollen and I got a cold. Yes I feel horrible and I I’m in need of care from mom but I’ve got the cold when I don’t have to be in school and I have anything I must do except the dog walking. I will just try to cure my neck and then study. On Friday will my lovely boyfriend come to my city so I hope this week will go fast until Friday. After that I hope the weekend will go extremely slow!
I must be honest about one thing since I just can’t pretend that everything about my life is perfect. I am very stressed and the reason why is many things in my life. I have been so stressed these weeks or month that it affect my tummy and my mental health. I feel sick instead of feeling hungry, I force myself to eat. I can’t relax to 100% I always worry about something. Right now my it feels like when you run a marathon and you feel like your body can’t run any longer but the will to win make you run the last 100 meters. My motivation is that soon everything will be over. I guess I’m treating my body bad and that I should rest, but I don’t want to give up. Even though I’m going to lie in my bed crying at the end I will do it I will succeed, because I haven’t come this far to give up.
Right now I’m at my family’s house, I can stop thinking about which food I will cook or to clean the bathroom. I will just focus on me for a while.
You already know that I did a DNA test, I wanted to get to know more about my biological family and my actual heritage. This day I got a message on the my heritage website, it was a man who asked me about my ancestors. We both were born in Colombia so I was curious and saw more matches. I found a fifth or fourth cousin and I am so excited, it’s so cool because I have wanted this for so long time, fingers crossed for more cousins!
I hope I will found out more about them and how we are related, it’s like a history lesson about only me!
It all started when I started to have hypothesises about why I am like I am, and what affected the fact that I am as I am. Then it continued to how I can do a difference for children from unsafe environments (wars or families with drug abuse). I want to help children because I got the opportunity to get a pretty safe life. I feel bad for the children who don’t have a safe life and I feel with the children who don’t have anyone to play with because nobody understand them.
To work with children is a way to change the future. If I can help the children with the time in kindergarten, they will have one place safe to go to. That will affect them positively and maybe they will have it with them to the adult life. I want to do at least something to contribute to a better future.