Ebba and food?

A year ago I actually ate less than I do now because I guess I eat bad when I feel bad. I hated to cook for myself so I bought food to throw in the microwave and then I convinced myself that it is enough with food for today. The reason was because of anxiety and I actually didn’t care so much about myself. I remember I felt sick and hungry in the evening, my boyfriend told me in the phone that I should eat but I didn’t.

When this year begun I decided to care more about myself, to actually love myself. I rather gain weight than lose weight and I rather eat too much than eat too little.

I agree that me and food have a complicated relationship. Maybe it begins with the fact that my parents made meals that isn’t normal for children to like. It is good but I am spoiled. The second reason is that I didn’t like to cook, I was stressed very stressed before so I rather skipped a meal than took a break with the studying. The third reason is that I felt fat when I was seven, I used to look at my belly wishing I was skinnier.

When I was thirteen/ fourteen people commented my skinny legs and I felt so odd. Mostly because I was adopted but I guess I wanted something in common with the other girls.

I started to eat much so I could gain some weight but nothing happened, I was still skinny. That was why I started to go to the gym when I was eighteen. Muscles were the only thing that made me gain weight and everything went pretty good.

Until I left mom and dad and moved to my own apartment, that was the bad part of my life. I forgot myself.

To be honest I’ve lost my appetite many times. Before when I lost my appetite I stopped eating and starved myself but now I force myself to eat. The lost of my appetite is a sign of that I don’t feel quite good mentally during that part of time so it’s better to start eat and talk about what’s going on in my head.

Now I’ve decided to cook for me and my fiancé. I do me favor and I do him a favor. I have also decided to eat more small meals so I can eat more easier.

If you have problems with food I recommend you to talk with someone and search for help.

The newest photos first, I rather have a little bit fat so I actually can build something from it. The pants from the last photo are so tight so they don’t fit me anymore (sorry Daniela).